A Tale of Twisted Racism
24th March 2014

life, memories, rant, thoughts | 3 comments

First of all, I don’t know why I’m deciding to bring this memory up.   I guess after my last post, 10 Significant Events of my life, this was one memory that came to mind that I had suppressed for a long time. It was a hurtful memory but I think this story needs to be heard because I’m sure at some point in everyone’s lives, they have come across the pressures and hurt of racism and prejudice. This is a bit of a twist though because I was on the other side of the fence. The fingers were pointed at me and at the age of 11, it was something that opened up to me and hit me in the face. My emotions surely bled confusingly at this age.

Like I said, I was 11 years old. I moved to this city a year before and was finally coming on my own socially by making some friends in the 6th grade, getting used to the North American life and I was pretty happy. I’ve always wanted to be in sports and was happy to make the girls basketball team in my elementary school. It was a shared grade basketball team, combining 6th graders and 7th graders. Everyone seemed really nice and I thought I got along with everyone pretty well. I had good support from my best friend at the time because she was the shining star of the team, a 5 foot 8inch beautiful girl with a golden heart. She was always one of the sweetest girls I will ever know. She convinced me to join the basketball team regardless of the fact that I am very short because she wanted another familiar face on the team and she knew I got some drive in me when it came to sports. That comforted me.

I went to every practice, got comfortable with most of the team members and I never felt judged for my height and for my age. I always felt a little intimidated by the 7th graders just because they were the “seniors” of the elementary school age but for the most part they were nice. Now, it just so happens there was one girl in 7th grade that I remember very clearly and you will soon know why. I VAGUELY remember her name though, but for the sake of this post, let’s call her Sarah because that’s the closest name I can think of that sounded similiar. She was a pretty Black girl and she seemed shy but nice. I never really got to talk to her much. She mostly stuck with the girls she knew, same with me I guess. I always stuck by my friend when I was feeling a little shy. I never had any ill feelings towards her and I didn’t think she did either. We were just teammates, trying to do our best on the basketball team.

Let me tell you, I’m an aggressive player. I watched the NBA my whole life and my favourite team of all time is the Chicago Bulls. When I first came to Canada, my family’s first home was a small apartment. We barely had any furniture but we had one old tv that lacked in channels (there were only 5). One of the main channels we had (and the only one I really watched) was the WGN, Chicago channel. Because of that channel, I got to watch every single Chicago Bulls game that I can ever remember watching. I looked up to Scottie Pipen, Steve Kerr, Phil Jackson and my goodness did I ever LOVE Michael Jordan. I watched 3 of the most memorable championships of all time that Jordan pushed the team through and that was it … I loved NBA basketball. That is why I FREAKING LOVE BASKETBALL. Watching every basketball game, I watched how some of the players played, their tactics, their drive and their aggressiveness. Turns out, I was that type of player. I was aggressive. I wasn’t afraid to go after the ball and I didn’t mind a lot of contact. I’ve gotten a few elbows to the face and the body in my basketball school career. It can be a contact sport. That is what it is. That is why I was always the lead ball stealer of the team for many years and the top in causing turnovers for the opposing team. When the coach was desperate to get ball back to up the lead, I was called. I was proud of it. It gave me an identity in the world of basketball and it helped me in my identity as a basketball player.

That being said, I was like that all the time whether it be in a game or in practice. Everyone knew I was that kind of player. They appreciated it. It turned out Sarah didn’t. One day, the whole team was called in for a meeting during recess by the coach. My friend and I were one of the last ones to get there and as soon I stepped into that library, I had a bad feeling in my gut. I felt the tension and I didn’t like it. As we all got settled into our seats, the coach looked very grim and was slow to speak.

“Sorry to cut into your recess time but I brought you all here for a serious matter. Sarah has decided to quit the basketball team,” she said and everyone was quiet. I think I was the only one that gasped. I was surprised. She was a good player. She was fast, she handled the ball very well and to quit the team was such a shame. She would have been an amazing part of the team.

“She could not be here because she felt very uncomfortable. Actually, she was very uncomfortable for a while now. She quit because she said that someone on this team was racist towards her and she no longer wanted to be a part of a team where someone would be mean to her,” she said with a sigh looking into the ceiling. As soon as she finished, I automatically felt eyes on me. The 7th grade girls turned their head so fast at me and gave me the death stare. I was so confused at the time, I really didn’t know if they were really thinking that it was because of me Sarah left. If it was … I found it ironic that I am wearing a Michael Jordan sweatband on my wrist right at that moment.

“I am not accusing anyone of being racist on this team because I can’t. Sarah would not tell me who it is that she is uncomfortable with and I am not going to pressure her if it makes her even more uncomfortable. Just remember, we are all here for one thing, basketball. We are not here to judge other people, be prejudice and make anyone uncomfortable or angry in any way. If you are going to be this kind of person, then I will not tolerate it and you can leave the team. That is all I have to say,” the coach walked away, clearly upset.

The 7th graders left and stared at me up and down as walked away from me. I wanted to cry because I was so confused. How could they think that it was me who was racist? My friend stayed with me in the library and she told me that Sarah left because of me because apparently I kept hurting her during practice. She said that I elbowed her in the stomach a few times and she thought that I intentionally did it. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She said she tried to defend me with the 7th graders but of course, Sarah was their friend and they were siding with her.

I started crying of course. It was ridiculous. I am not in any way racist. I’m freaking Asian for goodness sake, I am part of the minority enough as it is and I AM RACIST?! I grew up in a country with dark skinned people for my whole life. My very first best friend, whom I called my brother was dark skinned and I loved him so much. At that point though, there was no point in explaining any of that. Nobody would believe me and they would not care. I was so angry but I felt hopeless. As I think about this now, to experience this kind of hate at such a young age is disgusting. To just point fingers at a person without knowing them is uncalled for and unfair.

I still did not quit the team though. I kept playing. I was not going to give up my love of the game because of one person. I was not guilty. I was not a racist, am not a racist and will never be a racist. If Sarah wanted to leave because of one person without even giving a thought of talking to the person, then that’s her decision. She was the coward in my eyes at the age of 11. It still hurts to this day though. I’ve always been the open-minded person regardless of where I am and who I am with. I’ve always been the friendliest, kindest and it was this very memorable moment that guided me throughout the rest of my life so far in being the nicest person I can be because no person should ever have to be accused of such a thing and on the flipside, no one should ever ever have to feel like they are not liked by the color of their skin or ethnicity. I’ve always been surrounded by diversity and that is all I know and I like it that way. My best friends are white, asian, brown, hispanic … and I would die for them.

Let this be a lesson to everyone out there that racism and prejudice is nothing to be proud of. All it does is hurt people on all angles of life. I am an example of that.  I am not anywhere close to these things yet I was a part of it at the age of 11; A little Asian girl who just wanted to make some friends in a new city and play some basketball. If you are racist or prejudice, know that we are all the same. We all bleed the same way, put on clothes everyday to live our lives and go through the same everyday problems. If you are the one pointing the fingers, think hard first about the person you are pointing the fingers at. Are you pointing those fingers because they are genuinely a disgrace to the human race or are you just thinking of the easy way out and just calling someone racist/prejudice because that’s the easiest excuse? There’s a fine line there. Don’t use it as a weapon. Honestly, it can be as bad as a weapon if used the wrong way.  We already live in a world of turmoil and hatred, why bring even more weapons to this world?

 




10 Significant Events
19th March 2014

family, homelife, life, memories, SO, thoughts, work | 1 comment

I have decided to try and blog more by actually picking specific topics. My inspiration is from that whole 30-day challenge but being realistic, I don’t see myself blogging everyday for 30 days so I’ll pick and choose important topics for me to blog about for the next few blog entries.

What’s the topic of the day? 10 SIGNIFICANT EVENTS IN MY LIFE

These are not in chronological order or anything. I will just talk about events that I can remember as I go.

#1 – Moving to Canada

I was 8 years old when I moved to Canada and it was a big event my life because it was a major change in my life. Having to move to an entirely new country and leaving all my friends behind at the age of 8 is very … I don’t even know the word for it. Of course, at the age, I didn’t know it was an opportunity for a start to a new life for my family and I. All I cared about was leaving my friends and not wanting to change any of the norms that I have already been used to. I had no idea what Canada was like and I didn’t know if I would have to encounter and bad experiences. Now that I am older, I appreciate the steps my family took to get here. I have experienced so much here, learned many new things and met some of the most important people of my life here. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Now that I am older, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

#2 – Getting the lead in ‘Alice in Wonderland’ in highschool

This was really fun and I never thought I would ever get a lead in a play. This is was memorable because this was a time in my life where I was getting over my shyness of performing in public. Also, I remember it caused some drama with another student because she was pissed off that an Asian girl got the lead part because she has always been a try-hard actress. My drama teacher explained that just because I was Asian, it did not mean I was not good enough to play the role. Also, it brings something different to the play and not a typical white girl will play the role. That girl didn’t like me for a while, let’s just keep at that.

#3 – Meeting my Future Husband

In the fall semester of 2005, I met a guy who I became friends with at school. We went to the same highschool but never actually met each other until college. We developed a really nice friendship and eventually started dating the next summer and carried on our relationship to this day. The day we really started kindling our romance was on my birthday weekend and I am happy to say that he’s the best birthday gift a girl could ever ask for!

#4 – Getting Engaged

Of course, in continuation to the last one, we eventually got engaged May 11, 2012! Who would have thought a good friend of mine would end up being my future husband?! I’m the happiest I can ever be. Also, I can get married before my wish, ‘getting married before I’m 30’ hahahah.

#5 – Finding Out I am going to have a little brother

I was 17 when my mom decided to tell me that she was pregnant and I am going to have another sibling. I was in shocked of course! I didn’t think my parents were ever going to have another child especially at the age I was in. Being in the teenager mentality, I didn’t know how to react. I was finally at a point in my life where I was coming on my own, had my own social life and having to think about taking care of a child was mind-boggling to me LOL. But I love my brother. He’s sweet, smart and he loves me too and respects me and I love having something call me, “Ate” (it means big sister in my language).

#6 – The year my uncle died.

This was a major event in my life that never really leaves my mind. He was like a second father to me. When I found out he passed away, I was so shocked that I could not even cry until the day of his funeral. I miss him very much but I know he’s always with me. What’s strange is that my fiance looks a little like him. My mom always says, that when she glaces at him quickly, she sees her brother. Is this a sign that he’s always with me? They even hug the same way. It’s strange but probably a blessing in disguise.

#7 – Moving Out

I had already been dating my fiance for over 5 years now and he was living on his own already but I was still living with my parents. The day had come where I did want to move in with him so that we can experience that with each other. My fiance decided to talk to my parents about it and then we talked about it all together. My parents said they were okay with it because I’m my own woman now who can make her own decisions and they trusted my fiance because he’s pretty much part of the family now too.

#8 – Having a dog

I have always wanted a dog but my parents never allowed it. My mom is scared of dogs and honestly, they just wouldn’t know where to start when it comes to pets. My fiance, on the other hand, has lived with dogs his whole life. So the day we got a dog, it was exciting. I was finally able to say that I have my own dog. His name is Loki and is a beautiful full bred German Shepherd.

#9 – Buying our house

This was a major point in both our lives really because it is our first REAL home that we own and call our own. We have more space, levels, a beautiful park in our backyard … it doesn’t get any better than this. To be at our age and own our own home is already an achievement in itself.

#10 – Being in the Accounting Program and Working as an Accountant

After numerous attempts of what I thought I wanted to be “when I grow up”, I finally figured out what I wanted to do as a career – accounting (10 years later). Getting the acceptance letter for Accounting Diploma at KPU was one of the most exciting things in my life because it signifies the one thing in my life that I am actually sure about in the working world. What’s even better is actually having an accounting position as a job! I have my own office, I report to the big bosses and I have business cards that say “accountant” on it!

I am sure there are significant events in my life but those are the main ten that popped in my head so I guess they are pretty important then!!

 




Routine Routine
17th March 2014

homelife, life, weight | 6 comments

There hasn’t been anything too exciting with me lately. My life so far has been pretty routine during the work week.

4:30am: Wake up and prepare lunches for the FI and I.
5:00am: Start getting ready and prepare all things for the gym.
5:30am: At the gym, working out whatever muscle group for the day.
6:40am to 6:45am: Take shower and start getting ready for work.
7:20am: Leaving gym, grab a coffee and on the way to work.
7:45am: Arrive at the office, have a quick breakfast and start my day.
12:00pm: Lunch time for an hour
4:30pm: Time to go home
5:10pm: Arrive at home, take out my dog and prepare dinner.
7:00pm: Stay in bed, cuddle with my FI and watch a whole lot of netflix and eventually fall asleep.
And the day starts all over again …

Yup. That’s my day. Not too exciting. It is tiring though. Waking up so early and trying my hardest to exercise as hard as I can can be tiring. I don’t even take pre-workout anymore because it will just make me crash by the time I get to work. It would be nice to have pre-workout because it helps me focus and get really good pumps at the gym and helps me get through that last extra rep I need but once I start my day at work, all that adrenaline goes away and I am SPENT. I cannot afford to fall asleep in my office. Although, I have been very tempted to close my door once in a while and just take a quick nap LOL but I can’t. That’s so bad.

I am slowly seeing results though. It is slow I might add. I haven’t lost any significant amount of weight but it’s coming. That being said, I see the results mostly in my clothing rather than the scale. On the scale, I must have only lost about 1.4 lbs. That’s 1.4lbs in 3 weeks. Not a lot … but I can see it in my clothing. I am starting to be able to squeeze in some pants now (when before, squeezing wasn’t even possible). I still have A LONG WAY to go but I am feeling good about myself. I’ve changed a bit of what I’m doing in the gym. I’m doing heavier weights with low reps rather than the lower weights and doing 15 reps of everything. I find that wasn’t doing anything for me. After a long conversation with my FI (since he’s my guru at this point, because this is a guy who went from 213 to 175 and is now very jacked and very very very fit), he said that in order to burn fat, I need to gain muscle. The more muscle you have, the easier it is for fat to burn off that is why strength and weight training in very important. That is why I have been doing a lot of weight training and slowly introducing cardio for some additional fat burning. So that’s why I modified my routines. I am lifting heavier with only 6-8 reps (you have to feel like you can barely do the 6th rep – that’s when you know you are actually putting in some work and effort into it). I have to say it’s working. My arms have firmed up a little already and my goodness I cannot believe the muscle that’s toning on my thighs. My butt has gotten a bit bigger though … Don’t know how I feel about that LOL. I really don’t need a bigger butt. I have a big butt enough as it is ahahhaah. Luckily my FI is an ass man LMAO. Anyways, I’m still working at it. I’m going to keep going with my HIGH weight LOW reps and see how it goes in a couple more weeks.

In the mean time, I’ll show you a couple of things I have been trying at the gym. IT IS NOT EASY THOUGH! At least for me it isn’t. I have done these 2 in particular a lot because they are my favourite. My abs are still sore to this day because of this. It definitely took a number of tries with the BALL PIKE because I just could not stay on the ball. I kept falling off hahahah but I finally got the hang of it and now it’s one of my favourites!! Give it a try if you guys are going to the gym or have the ball at home!


BALL BIKES

V-BALL PASS

 




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