Flying Through
24th October 2016

Baby, family, homelife, life, thoughts, Uncategorized | 0 comments

I know this is such a clich√© thing to say as everyone says this to a point of exhaustion at any point of the year but… Time Is Flying By. I don’t know if it’s the sleep deprivation, exhaustion, hormones or what but it’s giving me anxiety. 

I lay here next to my sleeping son trying to say to myself, “it’s been over 7 months now. I’ve been watching my son grow for 7 months now”.  I sometimes can’t even remember how small he was back in March but here he is, probably closer to 16 pounds, trying to learn how to crawl, finally eating food other than breastmilk, realizing he always laughs at the exact same commercial, and knows what it means to kiss mama and papa as he lays a big fat drooly one on my cheek. 7 months ago, all he did was suck boob, sleep, poop and cry. 

So this means I only have 5 months left until he has lives a full year of his life and for me to enjoy every second of it before I head back to work. I have to enjoy him taking his first steps, eating his first real meal that’s not pureed with his hands with half of it on the floor, his first real word, anything and everything that is part of watching my son grow up. 

This is a bittersweet anxiety I’m realizing. A very “so many things to do with so little time” kind of thing. I feel like I don’t want to miss a thing. I don’t want to miss a milestone. I want to plan so many trips with the time I have. We wanted to take him to Whistler or take his first trip to Portland. Shit, we still have to do his Baptism which was something we were supposed to do 2 months ago. This is his first Halloween, his first Christmas. I want to take him to his first pumpkin patch, his first Stanley Park train ride… the list goes on.  

Once I’m back at work, time is limited. Especially now that we moved out a little further, by the time I get home from work I have a few hours to spend time with him  then it’s bedtime. Unlike now, I am with him 24 hours a day. It makes me feel stupid sometimes about complaining how  tired I am and that I am done with all this because I know I’m going to miss all going to miss being with my son. 

The other side of the anxiety is the actual preparation of going back to work. My son actually decided he doesn’t like bottles anymore and only breastfeeds so I have to somehow train him to drink out of a sippy cup or straw cup before work starts. Or figuring out how to leave him for more than a couple of hours without him freaking out. Better yet, who am I going to leave him with?! Daycare is so fucking expensive but Grandmas are still working so it’s not like I can leave him with one of them. 

So as days go by, many thoughts are running though my mind and it’s kinda scary. The best I can do is enjoy the “now” and see what happens. The most important thing right now is to enjoy the time I have with my son and to grow with him because I’m growing too as a mother. I have my loving husband too so we will just grow through it as a family. 

I have a family and I love them.